Bad Friends Part 2


Welcome to Part Two of Bad Friends.

We ended part one on a really good note. If you haven’t read it, I highly suggest you Go Back and Read it Here.

We are talking about secret rules for relationships. But not just any relationship…best friends. #squadgoals #myperson #bffs

At this point, I have already spotted and ripped out several secret rules that were really just giant sinkholes.

The secret rules lead to a lot of heartache and lost moments of joy.

You would think that my new rule of giving and praying would have been a good way to end it. So why part two?

A new rule was born from that season. Praying, giving, and pouring out…all God things right? Yes. I made one big error though…I made a secret rule out of it.

The enemy loves to take a God thing and twist it to be a “good thing”. I didn’t back my new rules up with the word of God. I thought they looked good and the intention was so much better than the first round. But they became traps waiting to tear into my future.

Yup. I created rules for “someday.”

Rule #4 Someday, good friends will match expectations and actions.

“I know you would do the same for me.”

I don’t know how many times I said that in response to her thanks over the years. The truth is I really did expect her to do the same for me. All the help, check-ins, last-minute volunteer fill-ins, and dog sitting. Someday she would pay it all back.

I was keeping score. All of these were good things that strengthen our friendship. My secret someday rule conveniently forgot all that good and all the times she answered my late-night texts, the heart behind her asking me to join her, and the fact that I love her dogs.

Instead, I kept score with a rigged scale. I also ignored the whole “love doesn’t keep score” part of the Bible. 

So what rigged the scale? Time.

The reality is that I have been blessed with time.

I don’t have a husband or kids. I can do things without consulting someone. I have been able to set crazy high expectations for our friendship. She will not be able to do the same for me someday.

She gets to do different acts of love.

She does things that I can’t do, like invite me on family adventures and feed me amazing food. She opened her family up to me. I am Auntie Danielle to her son. I know I have taken up hours of her prayer time. Heck, she didn’t drop me when I was being selfish and annoying as all get out. And someday she will be standing beside me at my wedding in a pretty dress. Her kids will be in the wedding party, her husband will say a prayer over us, and we will do silly dances together.

That someday is going to be so much better than my rigged scorekeeping rule could ever payback.

See something beautiful and God-honoring happened when I chose to throw out all the secret rules…even the “good” ones.

Our faith walk got stronger, life got a lot crazier, and our friendship got deeper. Because the reality is I didn’t want our “someday” to be filled with paying back a score. I wanted it to be filled with Gods absolute best for me and my best friend.

I want the next 7 years, and beyond, to be freed from hidden sinkholes and hurt feelings.

I choose to throw out the secret rule book. My perspective on our present was freed from memorizing scorekeeping and could fully focus on memorizing the joy that comes from doing life with my favorite people.

I’m finding new secret rules every day. Apparently, my secret rule book is like one of those old school encyclopedia sets. That is probably why the bible tells us to renew our minds daily.

I’m also realizing that these secret rules are always so specific that intention and truth is lost. For example, I would want to be invited over (elevated status and wanting-to-be-chosen strings here). She told me over and over and over and over that I was welcome anytime. I didn’t think I was wanted because it wasn’t a direct invitation. The enemy LOVES to play games like that with our secret rules. 

But no more. 

Secret Rules are built on pride, expectations from old seasons of life, and lies from the world. They all are just sinkholes waiting to open up and destroy the beautiful relationships that God created.

No one will keep all the rules. Not my best friend, a whole friend group, or my someday boyfriend. So I’m throwing out the rule books and sticking with what Jesus called me to do.

Love God and love others.

God was so good he even gave a clear example of love in action through Jesus’ life and the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

No extra secret rules needed.

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